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Thursday, October 26, 2006
Guest View: Adoption a Rewarding Experience
By Christopher J. Alexander
In 1990, November was proclaimed as National Adoption Month. This was seen as an opportunity to raise public awareness about adoption and to acknowledge the importance of adoption in our society.
It was also a way to help make people aware of the staggering numbers of children needing permanent placements.
In New Mexico alone, it is estimated that 2,300 children are in foster care, with estimates that 30 percent are or will be eligible for adoption. In 2003, the year for which recent numbers are available, there was a 20 percent decrease in the number of children adopted through the public child welfare agency. This means many of these kids languish without permanency or stability. Clearly, there is great need for residents of our state to learn about the part they can play in providing children with safe and loving homes.
Based on what I have been seeing, there hasn't been a lot of pre-publicity about National Adoption Month in the national media. I guess some of this is to be expected given the numerous issues clamoring for the public's attention, including the Iraq War and a pending election. What I have seen, however, are references to parents who have adopted a child, only to change their mind long after the placement was finalized, usually because the child exhibited significant behavior problems.
The Washington Post carried a story on this topic in early October, and CNN did a profile on the issue during one of its recent evening broadcasts. Thus, at a time when the public can learn about the hopeful aspects of adoption, attention is instead being directed to the rare cases when parents want to relinquish a child they have made a commitment to.
Several studies have shown that adopted children, as a whole, do present higher rates of behavior and emotional problems than the general population. This should not come as a surprise, given that many of these children suffered severe trauma and disruptions to aspects of their developmental attachment in the first few years of their lives.
If I were to detail in this article the circumstances these children have had to contend with— be it in cases of domestic, social services or international adoption— the reader would be offended and it is doubtful this piece would even make it into print. Even though television news producers tell us that drama and tragedy attracts viewers, our society still maintains collective denial and discomfort when it comes to addressing and examining child abuse, exploitation and abandonment.
Other studies have shown that many parents express the belief they were ill-prepared for the challenges of raising an adopted child. Curiously, the studies show some of these parents misinterpret the child's anxiety or acting out behaviors, perceiving it as a rejection of them rather than an attempt on the child's part to communicate distress and elicit parental support.
The reasons for the beliefs expressed by these parents vary, but it sometimes stems from placement workers who are unfamiliar with the background or needs of a particular child. In other instances, the placement agency has little incentive to provide full disclosure, as they are in the business of finding homes for children. This has resulted in some parents attempting to sue these agencies, contending that they are faced with educational, medical and mental health financial obligations they were not alerted to.
In my work with adopted children and their families, it is rare that a parent will seek relinquishment. The closest experience to this I recall is when two parents asked for financial help from the agency that placed the child in their home to cover the costs of a residential treatment center. When the agency refused, the parents asked, "What do you think (the other government) will say when they find out one of their children ended up in the American foster care system?" The agency eventually provided some funding, and the last I heard, the child is back in his adoptive home and doing fine.
Fortunately, the success stories are much greater than the ones that typically make it into print. Every year, many children in New Mexico find permanent homes. Emotionally, academically and behaviorally, they thrive as they finally know what it means to be safe, loved and wanted. To me, this is the topic we should be addressing and celebrating. Our state has many professionals and agencies which are highly trained in working with adopted children and their families.
I therefore trust that our communities will not be profiled in stories on parental relinquishment. Adoptive parents do require education and enlightenment about stepping into this role, but in reality, there are many successful adoptions. In our state and throughout the country, I hope that National Adoption Month can be an opportunity for facilitating the placement of children who need and deserve a loving family and safe home.
More information about children in need of an adoptive home can be found at www.cyfd.org/adopt.htm.
Christopher J. Alexander, Ph.D., is a child psychologist in Albuquerque. He works primarily with foster and adopted children and their families.
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