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HOME	CLASSIFIEDS	OBITUARIES	SPORTS	OPINION

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Roaring Mouse for President

By Jo White
For the Telegraph
      April 18, 2008, I turned 61 and as I watched the debates on television for the upcoming primary I could feel my stomach turn. It was at that point I decided to run for president of the United States on my newly formed Mouse Party. My Mouse sits and observes, seeing to the right, left and then heads straight down the middle to get what we need. Making Individuals Count Every time or M.I.C.E. is my slogan. A dedicated Green but grey by nature I view the world as needing Weapons of Mouse Destruction. This mouse is a financial conservative. You should not give out what you haven't gathered in, but I am liberal in caring about little mice. They need love, hugs and lunch. I believe in closed borders — no cats of terror allowed in but I can work with those who have already scampered across the border. Good going Packrat cousins, I'll work on getting your papers. Then there is the question of a running mate.
       I think I'll ask Dr. Bill Cosby to run as my vice president. (Ben Franklin would have been my first choice but he's very unavailable.) I interviewed Cosby when I was 21 for KUNM radio at the University of New Mexico and he is a man who stands true to high standards. I support his position on people taking personal responsibility for the success and failure in their lives, treating each other with respect in a language we all can understand and best of all, being proud of your heritage while not letting your past stop your future. He was a teacher before he became a comedian and has earned his accomplishments with hard work, education and cultural pride.
       But let's look to my qualifications. True, I do not have an Ivy League education like Sen. Obama and Sen. Clinton, but I did work waiting tables at Pizza Hut to earn my way through UNM. I understand the economy. I earned $125 salary and $400 in tips at Pizza Hut. When I went to work the next year as a teacher, I earned $300 a month. (Big hair and short skirts works better to serve pizza than teaching. Dress for success!) My husband did fly jet fighters for 33 years so that must qualify me to be commander in chief. (When in doubt, bomb the heck out of them! Don't send in ground troops till the earth is glass.) I do belong to the N.R.A. I can shoot a shotgun or a pistol. (I am sure when I am being shot at or not. I took a live hand grenade off a kid at school. And my motto: Never go hunting with Cheney!) I am a multi-denominational chaplain who does wedding, burials and baptisms for no charge. I understand the separation of church and state. (Say a prayer in the bathroom before you take a test in U.S. history so you don't offend anyone.) I recently went to a town meeting where people from New York City asked the City Council to pave our dusty roads as its first priority. They also felt they might need to call the rescue squad and if the council changed street names, the volunteer fire department might not be able to find their house. But, they reminded the council they needed to retain the rural atmosphere on those paved streets. Dealing with Congress couldn't be any harder than that.
       My position on education is clear. If you can't read, you can't go on to a higher grade. If you are acting up so others can't learn, no matter what the reason, you should be tossed out of a speeding school bus. Therefore, technically, you would be left behind. My teacher's paycheck bought more kids lunch than the U.S.D.A. Also on education: drama, art, band and chorus are as important as football, basketball and baseball. My rules on employment: if you can work and you don't work, you don't eat free. Remember the story of the working ants and the lazy grasshopper. He starved. Healthcare: I am an overweight diabetic; I am told we need less sugar and more tofu. (Don't you believe it! Sugar is a natural product. Come to my house for cookies. We'll dance it off with my Melodramas at Wildlife West.) Healthcare Rule 1: no aspirin should cost $25 in a hospital and Rule 2: doctors are not gods. I know God, and they ain't it. Finally let's put clinics in casinos. That's where the old, sick people are anyhow. We'll tax gambling and pay for healthcare. As for energy: we've got pinto beans in this valley; we can use for gas and starve out the Middle East with their oil.
       Well, that's about it. If you can think of anything else, let me know. My headquarters is Chili Hills about 10:30 any Monday morning. I don't take donations but I do have buttons to give away. Come join the Mouse Party, for the little guys, and spell it right, Jo White … Roaring Mouse out.
       Neighbors is a weekly column written by folks in the community. If you would like to contribute to Neighbors contact Rory McClannahan at 823-7102 or online at editor@mvtelegraph.com.>   

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