Slushy Sugar Makes Everything All Better
We are in the midst of the dog days of summer.
Things have a tendency to slow down during the dog days, unless of course we are forced to confront work and other issues. When that happens, we all tend to get a little grumpy, or sometimes violent.
This year's dog days started back in May — technically not summer, I know — when a fellow attacked another fellow in Florida. The first fellow, in his assault, proceeded to eat the second fellow's face. I'm not trying to be gruesome, and I leave it to you all to follow the facts of this incident. But it surely indicates that maybe we're all going a little crazy from the heat.
Over the past couple of weeks, much of the country has had record-setting heat, fires have sparked here in New Mexico, in Colorado and throughout much of the West. In the East, the heat has caused folks to crank up the air conditioning, which in turn causes power outages.
The presidential election is heating up and got a lot hotter with the Supreme Court decision handed down last week on Obamacare. Everyone seems to be angry and some folks are willing to blame climate change. I don't know about that, but we all need to relax and have an Otter Pop.
In fact, I'm willing to go out on a limb and claim that most of the world's problems could be solved by sharing a Sir Isaac Lime or Alexander the Grape. Of course, the only crack in my Otter Pop Diplomacy might be if the representative from Israel gets stuck with Poncho Punch, always the last Otter Pop left in the freezer. Even Lil Orphan Orange gets eaten up before Poncho. Of course, the representative from Mexico might be upset that the least favorite Otter Pop is represented by an "otter" dressed in a poncho and sporting a sombrero. Despite its least-favored status, though, Poncho is still a wonderfully refreshing treat.
Otter Pops are cheap and no one can be taken too seriously when enjoying one — how can anyone do anything but smile when you see a political opponent sucking the frozen slush out of a plastic tube?
Sure, you could have a dish of ice cream. Lately, though, ice cream has become more complicated and expensive. You can get all sorts of flavors of ice cream beyond the basic vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. Now there are "gourmet" ice creams with bits of toffee or cookie dough in it. We should take a cue from the ancient Asian philosophers, though, and keep it simple. Buddha surely would have loved an Otter Pop.
And yes, there are cheaper freezer pops available, but the reality is that they don't have the cachet of Otter Pops.
There are some drawbacks to Otter Pop diplomacy: getting into the dang thing and disposal of its packaging. It takes skill to tear off the end of an Otter Pop with your teeth without ripping out a tooth or leaving a string of plastic caught in your gums. Scissors are the best option, but then you have little plastic tips all over the place. Once you've finished your Otter Pop, simply take the tip, slip it into the empty plastic tube and dispose of properly.
Like potato chips, having just one Otter Pop is not enough. Feeling guilty over having more than just one should not be a consideration, but the last one in the freezer must always go to the father in the house.
Although one does not look especially cool — in a Fonzie kind of way — when eating an Otter Pop, you will find yourself cooler — in a body temperature way — after enjoying one.
So let's all raise a pop to Alexander the Grape, Sir Isaac Lime, Poncho Punch, Lil Orphan Orange, Louie-Bloo Raspberry and Strawberry Short Kook — the true leaders of the free world!
Contact Rory McClannahan at 823-7102 or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.